I Did It My Way
by Padfoot24601
Summary: Each Marauder left some lose ends in their lives and here are their chances to tie them up in a set of four letters to each other. Rated T for innuendo and my own paranoia. Please review :D
1. The final curtain

**Disclaimer-I may tell people otherwise but I don't own Harry Potter.**

**This is part of my series in which the Marauders write letters to people in case they to Sirius:**

_Dear Padfoot_

_And now the end is near And so I face the final curtain...shit a brig it's stuck! I don't think anyone will forget that show in seventh year._

_So I guess this is it. I am dead. Well I'll be the first to say that I never saw it coming. Yep, not even with Voldemort after my blood._

_Well anyway mate, I miss you and have no idea what I'll do without you, there will be a lot less embarrassing situations at least. If I was the first of us four to go then damn! I always wanted to be the last Marauder, just to prove a point.I know that if I'm dead then it means that maybe Peter betrayed us, but I doubt it, I probably did something stupid and got caught. Either that or Lily killed me - look after her please, and Harry. _

_I hate writing this; it feels like I'm calling the fates on me - Christ! I sound like Peter! There's another one you will have to look after. Make sure he doesn't lose his head or end up lost in Bridlington again. Same goes for Moony, get him a girl and don't let him listen to David Bowie. One more rendition of Sound and Vision will most likely be the cause of my death and the reason you are reading this letter right now. _

_Whatever happens I want you to stay safe and sane, you have people to look after as well as yourself. I have left you and Remus a decent amount of money and a few possessions, I won't tell you what as I want it to be a surprise when my will is read out. Keep fighting too, not only against Voldemort but against life as well, whatever it throws at you I want you to give it the finger and get right back up again. _

_I demand a nice tasteful funeral with burlesque dancers and fire eaters. My coffin will be lowered to the countdown theme tune and you will all wear black and cry a lot. Despite that I want you to get over me and not brood to long, I know you - you'll turn into the prince of darkness and shout at everyone... actually knowing you you'll get incarcerated for indecent exposure and all that money I give you will be used as bail. If you find it too hard to cope then I recommend turning into a dog permanently, and I don't care what you say about the damn fleas. stop moaning you wimp! How about my bloody antlers, eh?_

_I think that now is the time for the touchy feely stuff: You are the best mate a guy could ask for and for that I am eternally grateful, I wish you and Mary the best life possible and ask that you live it to the full before it's too late. You are more than my friend - you are my brother and though it may sound gay as hell you have been like my other half; my crazy, man-whore, morally wrong and politically incorrect other half._

_I don't really have that much to say, Pads my friend. I always thought that I would have something incredibly witty and clever to say before I died but the truth is I don't have anything at all so I'll just leave you with this-_

_I love you, mate!_

_Well I did it my way!_

_James_

_P.S. Lily says she loves you._

_P.P.S. I have written a list of excuses just in case. Pass them onto Harry when he's older._

Excuses

1. That woman in the bedroom was my healer, she was just giving me the once over for testicular cancer.

2. I cannot come to work today because we had a party last night and now there is a strange man in my bed.

3. The kneazle/dog/crup did it.

4. I'm late? I thought you were early!

5. Voldemort did it.

6. It's the Ministry's fault.

7. I don't have that paper because someone said you were a rubbish head of department and it got torn up in the fight as I defended your name.

8. I'm not drunk I'm just chemically inconvenienced.

9. My wand is broken.

10. I never said you were fat I just said there was a lot of you...personality wise I mean.

**So what did you think? This one isn't my best one and I have the others written except for the final one which I'm having a bit of trouble with. I had trouble with this one as well, but oh well.**

**The next one is Peter to James.**


	2. Apologies

_**Disclaimer-Not mine. End of.**_**I'm posting this early because I go on holiday tomorrow and I'll feel guilty otherwise :D**

_Dear James_

_I know that there is very little chance in you reading this, the unfortunate truth is that you will most likely be dead by the time this letter is finished and for that I am sorry. I only write this in the hope that you will see the reason behind what I have done.I was not tortured nor was the information forced from my lips with a knife or a wand; I did this out of choice, a choice that I do not regret.I don't expect you to understand why I betrayed you but the truth is that I don't see it as a betrayal. I see it as keeping my best interests at heart. Some people are born to protect and be brave - like you James, you are a true Gryffindor. Then there are people like me, our primary purpose in life is to survive. It's a basic instinct - to adapt. I was never meant for Gryffindor. I don't really know what house I was meant for but I know for sure that it's not the one I was placed in. As you try to make sense of what I am saying I beg of you - please know why I did and Sirius were always the popular boys, the ones that every girl wanted. I watched as you chased after Lily and as girls chased after Sirius. I even saw them go after Remus on occasion. That is the thing though, I only watched. I know that Remus tried but I was never one of you, was I? I was never really a Marauder; the only person that knew that was Sirius so I suppose I should thank him for something. Because of him I never got too attached to the group, if I did then I doubt that I could have done this. I always felt like an outsider within the group I helped found, despite trying my best I was never good enough for you. I'm not good looking and I was never clever like you three. So consider this payback for all those years of been used as something to make yourselves feel better. I tried to comfort you when Lily turned you down, I looked after Remus after each full moon and not once did I snitch on Sirius and his many exploits. I don't hate you James. I don't even dislike you; I just have to put myself first. So consider this you repaying your debt to me and doing what you were born to do. Protect. In doing this you are saving me and I am securing you a worthy death._

_Consider this an apology._

_Peter_


	3. The chocolate is gone

**Disclaimer-My time machine doesn't work yet so I don't own Harry Potter yet nor have I found the Morlocks.**

**I don't even have a decent excuse except that I forgot. I honestly did the same goes for **_**all**_** my to Remus:**

_Dear Remus_

_If you're reading this then I guess that the worst has happened - and no, I don't mean a world chocolate shortage - I mean that it's finally over and you are the last Marauder. I know you are secretly sickeningly smug about that, so I congratulate you and ask that you treat the title well. Try not to cry, we'll meet again one day, and if I am still alive then put this down and fuck off.I can assure you that I already miss you and that James says hi, you know he would._

_Well, the house and everything in it is to be left to Harry including darling Kreacher so please warn the poor kid about the monster in Kreacher's den. You'll find the legal crap in a draw next to my bed...or somewhere in the room, I can't quite remember where. Oh and don't go thinking I left you out though because I didn't you daft git. First of all I left you a decent amount of money so you can finally get rid of those ankle wanglers and get some trousers that fit so you don't look half mast, also get a haircut you look like a seventies throw back.I have also left you my collection of "magazines" so that you will at least "have fun" a bit while you wait for a certain pink haired lady to do it for you. Speaking of which when you and Nymphie do get it on I advise that you either hide the "magazines" or give them to Harry; you will find the "magazines" under my bed._

_Funeral wise I want a big one. I want there to be a big band singing "Another one bites the dust" and see if you can get the remaining members of Queen up there for me. Tell Brian May that Sirius Black asked for him and he'll be putty in your hands. Also see if you can get Stubby Boardman that would be a laugh. For my grave marker I don't just want some slab of stone with my birth and death on it. I want a bronze statue of me in all my glory and underneath it will say: Sirius Black - The one who brought sexy some of that chocolate cloud cake you make and ask your mum to make some sausage rolls or something; wear bright colours too. Keep the affair happy, I know it will be hard because - come on! This is me that we're talking about and we both know that the world will never be the same without me. _

_Down to the important stuff: I did so many stupid things and I wasted my life so I am going to take this chance to tell you not to do what I did. I'll leave you with a tip - don't eat yellow ._

_Don't mope over my death for too long you need to get your own life back on track and try to get Dora back, I give you my honest to god blessing and ask that you don't be a twat and dump her because you're "dangerous". She is a Black, that makes her the dangerous if you don't name your first born after me I will come back and haunt you, I don't care if it's a girl you can call her Sirius-ette._

_Hey, also I left a pot of Vaseline on my desk so if that muggle thing (cloning?) ever works then you can get another me! If not keep then pot for yourself and think of me when you use it._

_I have to go now because you are shouting at me about eating peanut butter with my finger and are now lecturing me about how many people die from E-Coli a year._

_I'll miss you, you annoying, lanky, uptight, amazing little bugger._

_Signing out-_

_The Fantastic Sirius Black_

_P.S. It was I who ate the cookies from the cookie jar. It was also I who ate your last bar of Honeydukes caramel dream chocolate and washed it down with that bottle of Firewhiskey. Now I'm dead I no longer fear you._

_P.P.S. Enclosed in this letter is The Sirius Black List of Pick Up Lines. Use them well._

_P.P.P.S. Kill Bellatrix for me too if I haven't already._

_P.P.P.P.S. Tell the Ministry to go fuck themselves from me._

_Signing out for real this time-_

_The Fantastic, Amazing, Awesome, Perfect, Sexy Sirius Black _

Pick up lines

1. If women were bogies I'd pick you.

2. You may fall off a broom or from heaven but the best way to fall is in love with me.

3. If a fat bloke shoves you in a bag tonight don't worry because I asked for you for Christmas.

4. Do I know you? Sorry it's just that you look a lot like my next girl friend.

5. If I had a garden I'd put my two lips and your two lips together.

6. You're so sweet that you put Honeydukes out of business.

7. Hagrid's not the only giant around here you know?

8. My love burns for you like a dying phoenix.

9. You are like Skele-Gro because you are growing me one _huge_ bone.

10. Do you have something in your eye? Wait no it's just a sparkle.

And here Remus is my best one:

You don't even have to use Lumos to turn me on.

Use them well.

I'll say it:

Love

Sirius

**...**

**Thoughts?**


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